Have you ever met a crazy chick at the bar?  On a recent outing with my friend, I met this older woman probably in her 40's with the fakest tits ever and perfect bleach blonde hair. I was outside hanging out with my friend and she comes up to me asking for a cigarette and just sits down and starts flirting. First mistake she made of many, for one interrupting my conversation my friend and I were having. She completely alienated him from the conversation, which was rude.
I did everything I could to look serious and not just start talking shit. I thought I would see how bad she really could be. She went on about how she loves to dance, and that it was better than sex. At this point, I questioned her since I don’t dance and find it hard to believe that it’s better than sex. At that moment, she got up and went back inside.
My friend got up and walked around before she left, but when he got back we looked at each other like damn is this real then carried on our conversation. After about 10 minutes she comes walking back outside and sits right down and tries to take over the conversation, this was mistake number two, I was chuckling inside getting a kick out of this chick who was clueless. So just, like the first time my friend got up and left. So this time she tries complimenting me about my hair or some shit, I really didn’t care, she was trying to get me to compliment her, which I couldn’t do.
She was a typical girl from California, fake as hell and had absolutely no confidence. Don’t get me wrong maybe 20 years ago she may have been hot, but the fake tits and age didn’t do her any help. She was a desperate chick looking for attention from any guy at the bar. Well after a few minutes and more of her flirting, she went back in.
The next time she came out my buddy stayed and starting questioning her about her nails and such, which I had no idea what they were talking about, it was funny as hell. She brushed it off and kept talking to me telling me I should learn how to salsa. I never put much thought into it and I still don’t. She thought she could convince me and wanted me to go inside and check it out. Now at this point I couldn’t believe how desperate this chick was and to humor her I went inside. When we got inside, she told me some chick got mad at her and she wanted a guy to stand next to her so the other chick would be jealous which made me walk right back outside. I mean this was funny but I wasn’t trying to get into some shit that I could care less about.
At this point, some dude walks outside and strikes up a conversation. We started talking about sports and hanging out. The dude was funny and he kept talking crap about the bar we were at. This was the second time I was at this particular bar and it sucked so we all joined in. Then walks out the train wreck coming to bum another cigarette and sat back down.
She starts talking to me as if I come to this place all the time and continues to give me all the spots she dances out and the schedule of nights. She wants me to go with her. I inform her that I’m not interested in dancing but it’s good to know what the scene was. I was trying to be nice and kind of get it through to her that dancing wasn’t my thing. Then she say’s she doesn’t have a car or license so she needs a ride to these places mistake number three. If you are desperate to find a guy flirting and spilling all your beans isn’t the best approach. During the conversation, I learned she had four kids with two dudes and my best guess is that she didn’t raise them and they had to be lame dudes to have kids with her.
She gave me her phone number too call her when I planned on going out so I could take her. This left me shaking my head thinking is this chick really this dumb. I played it off and reiterated that I don’t go out much and wouldn’t be taking her to dance. I guess she finally got the hint and she left and started talking to every dude in the bar. When my friend and I were getting ready to take off, she comes up and says give me a call and we can go out. I didn’t say anything back and she left.
When my friend and I got to my truck low and behold, the chick was in the parking lot sitting in a car parked right next to me. The best part was that she found a sucker that fell into her trap. As we were leaving she was with this dude and they were going at it in the parking lot, but she still decided to wave to me. This is a lesson to guys and girls. Guys if an old chick with fake tits comes up to you and starts flirting and acts really aggressive run the other way, she is complete trash. In addition, Ladies just because you’re old and desperate or just desperate don’t put it out there it scares guys away. Just be yourself and keep all your baggage to yourself. Safe to say I didn’t keep her number and I never thought for a second about calling her, it did make for a good laugh and a good night at the bar.